I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
