I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
