You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
