Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
