I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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