If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
