I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
