OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need a beard to bite.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
