Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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