also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
