Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
