If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
