Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize