Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
