His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
