I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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