Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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