first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize