It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
