Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
