Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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