I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
