Where is the hickey?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
