We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
