i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
