I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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