if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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