and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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