K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
