Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize