A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
