I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
