everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
