So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
