I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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