i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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