In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
