thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When did angry sex become our thing?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize