I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
