He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize