Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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