I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently you make a good broom.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
