Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
