I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
