I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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