you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
