Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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