You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize