ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
