woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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