we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
