I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
