yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
