His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
