when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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