Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
