my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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