I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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