Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
