This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
