How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im part way to drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
