she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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