Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
