God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They have beer where we have blood.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
