How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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