you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
