I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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