I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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