Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
