Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
