I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize