You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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