Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize