I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
