Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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