I just pynch a tree in the face
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
