So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
