when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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